A Deeper Shade of Blue

A Deeper Shade of Blue by Ruta Nonacs is one of those books that was in my stack of current-reads for at least six months. i started this book months ago but took my time getting through it, often putting it aside for weeks (or longer) at a time as i read other books.

Nonacs is the associate director of the center for women's health at massachussetts general hospital. part of the reason this book took me so long to finish was due to a recurring regret that we'd moved away from boston, each time i picked up the book i longed to be in boston.

through her writing, it's clear that Nonacs does not only possess a vast amount of knowledge and insight, but compassion and a true understanding of what depression is like for women.

since it took me so long to get through the book, there's a lot that i no longer remember well enough to comment on. but the book gives a ton of info on depression during pregnancy and the postpartum period, including how depression affects the family, causes and treatments, information about various medications, and ways to minimize the effects of depression.

as the content is not fresh in my mind, i'm certainly not doing this book justice. this book has a ton of excellent information for women in their childbearing years who suffer from depression and is an excellent resource. the amount of inormation may be overwhelming for someone in the midst of a depressive episode, so it's definitely a book to read while you're feeling well, and to have on hand as reference for the more difficult times.

Pregnancy Blues

it's been a while since i blogged about any books, mostly because i haven't been reading as much lately.

a couple of weeks ago, i read Pregnancy Blues: What every woman needs to know about depression during pregnancy by Shaila Misri, MD. over the last few years, postpartum depression has garnered more attention as a common and serious problem. unfortunately, there hasn't been much attention given to the subject of depression during pregnancy.

Misri begins with conceptions and misconceptions about womanhood, pregnancy, and motherhood and works her way through risks, causes, and types of depression, explaining treatment options and the risks of different types of treatment as well as the risks of untreated depression during pregnancy.

"One reason for my writing this book is to let every woman know that if she is feeling unbearably sad, guilty, or hopeless at any point during her pregnancy, these are not normal feelings, and she needs to address them as surely and swiftly as she would a rise in blood pressure or unusual staining or cramping. Just as she wouldn't endanger herself or her baby by waiting until her high blood pressure turned into preeclampsia or the cramping led to preterm delivery, she must not wait until her symptoms of depression become so severe that they threaten not only her own well-being but also that of the child she is carrying. . . psychological and emotional stress can ultimately be just as dangerous to both mother and child as any physical complication."

the hard thing about a book like this, is those who most need it, pregnant women suffering from depression, are not likely to read it. after all, it's hard to read anything while depressed. and unfortunately, the chapter that talks about the risks of untreated depression is towards the end of the book. i think that women struggling with depression while pregnant will tend towards fear of treatment because of the risks to the unborn baby, so waiting so long to get to the risks of not treating depression means that a lot of readers may not make it far enough into the book to find out why they should seek treatment.

overall though, this is a very informative and well-written book that i hope gains a large audience.

Bloodletting

i went to a bookstore for the first time since we moved out here (well, except for a few minutes at a borders in miami while visiting family in january). i usually go to bookstores frequently, and once i enter one, Jak spends hours trying to drag me out of there. i've been known to keep him waiting while i read entire books.

though it's only been about a month since i read Rob Bell's Sex God, it feels like it's been a long time since i've read much of anything, especially anything not related to school. so while at barnes and noble i couldn't help but buy a handful of books. of course, i know i have a long list of books already on my shelf that i've been meaning to read or that i'm partway into (as shown by the list in my sidebar), but there's something i love about buying new books. i love books, and i love to be surrounded by books, and though i have too many on my shelves that i haven't even read yet, it's the one thing i can't seem to resist buying.

lk miwe7vf n <-- that was my cat's addition to the post (i got up for a minute, and i guess she thought she'd share her thoughts).

when i got home with my three new books, i promised myself i wouldn't read them until i was caught up with my schoolwork. but, i was too tired to read anything i'd need to remember last night, so i figured i'd start one as long as i only gave myself time to read recreational reading at times that i wouldn't be studying anyway. as is often the case, once i started the book last night, i didn't put it down until i was done (it was a memoir, so it was a quick and easy read).

the book is Bloodletting by Victoria Leatham. she's an australian author writing about her experiences with depression, bipolar disorder, self-injury (cutting, in particular - hence the title), medications, hospitalizations, and her life in general during her twenties and into her early thirties.

i think i've read enough psychological memoirs that it's become rare for me to find anything that really stands out in any of them (and the ones that try too hard to stand out, tend to contain too many falsehoods - like James Frey's A Million Little Pieces).

this book was easy to read as far as her writing style, although she names so many characters (friends, family members, boyfriends, roommates, employers, therapists, etc.), that it can be hard to keep up with who's who at times. there are moments that she contradicts herself (especially regarding chronology), but then again, when someone is trying to recount so many things that happened during a period when they were mentally unwell, how much accuracy can be expected? i guess i would just hope that the editor would catch those things and the author could adjust it accordingly.

i guess i've read enough about self-injury and stuff like that by now, that her descriptions didn't really get to me too much. i know a lot of people would be bothered by the talk of blood and the graphic nature of her explanations (though they could be much worse). and for anyone who self-injures, the book could be quite triggering. so i guess i could only recommend it to those who don't self-injure but might want to understand what one individual's experience with self-injury was like.

i found it surprising that it took her until therapy in her 30's to start to understand what lay beneath the cutting, what her triggers were, and what feelings and thoughts were associated with it. i've known (and known of) teenagers who were aware of at least some of those things. she honestly didn't seem to have any clue about it any of it up until the very end of the book.

the book ended nicely, with her discovering cbt (cognitive-behavioral therapy), and thus learning to pinpoint the thoughts that led to the feelings that lead to the images of and desires to self-injure. in learning that, she was able to change some of her thinking patterns, thus gaining control of her emotional states, and decreasing the urges to self-injure. so the nice ending was good, because i think it can give cutters, and others who self-injure, a bit of hope, that there can be a way out.

my concern with such a nice ending is that it seemed a little too neat. Leatham has now gone about a decade without cutting, and that's wonderful. but there wasn't much thought given that to how it may be for her in the future when she's in times of great stress or deeply depressed. it seems to me that a lot of self-injurers can come to a point where they stop the behavior for some time, and where they can even lessen, control, or even eliminate the thoughts to hurt themselves. but i have a hard time considering that to be a cure. it seems that there is a need to be aware that those urges can return and that future intervention may still be necessary.

at least she spent some time at the end of the book talking about some of the positive changes she'd made (besides the thinking patterns she changed through cbt, she also improved her support network, giving her a place to fall back on), some that will - hopefully - give her the ability to avoid the deepest depressions and, if not, to have the means to get better more easily.

so i guess i left this book with mixed feelings. impressed, because it's a difficult subject to write about, and even more difficult when describing personal experiences with such a taboo subject. yet concerned, that some may read it and think that self-injury is an easy thing to stop or that it may trigger some self-injurers (or even make them feel that what they've done to hurt themselves hasn't been enough and they have to cut more, or deeper, or find a different object to hurt themselves with). and hopeful, that having still another book on the market about this subject will help move this topic out of the shadows so that those who struggle with this can get the help they need.

i'll try to post later with a little info about self-injury (stats, suggested treatment, suspected causes, etc.).

mental illness

so i was thinking about my last post where i commented on the book, Darkness is My Only Companion by Kathryn Greene-McCreight. in thinking about it, i got to wondering how many people would just ignore that post, or skim it, or not pay much attention simply because of the fact that most people - especially within the church - don't see the need to enter into a conversation about mental illness. i think books such as the one by Greene-McCreight are necessary within the church, but i fear the fact that topics like this are ignored.

so i thought it may be helpful to put things in perspective. according to the National Institute for Mental Health (NIMH), here's a little info on mental illness in the u.s.:

• about 1 in 4 (26.2%, or approximately 57.7 million adults in the u.s.) adults suffer from a diagnosable mental illness in a given year
• mental disorders are the leading cause of disability in the u.s. for ages 15-44
• 45% with any mental disorder meet the criteria for two or more disorders at the same time
• mental illness accounts for over 15% of the burden of disease in the u.s. (more than the burden caused by all cancers)
• nearly 10% of adults suffer from a mood disorder (i.e. depression, bipolar disorder, etc.) in a given year
• more than 90% of people who kill themselves have a diagnosable mental disorder, and over 32,000 people committed suicide in 2004
• 40 million american adults have anxiety disorders in a given year

i'm not saying that this means everyone has to read this particular book. i just think that with statistics like these, where a quarter of the adult population (mind you, none of these numbers included children) is suffering from mental illness, that we can't just ignore it all.

these numbers mean that every one of us, whether we know it or not, comes into contact with someone who is mentally ill on a daily basis. these numbers mean that a quarter of the people in our churches may be suffering from a mental illness.

for some, this may sound scary. the words "mental illness" conjure up thoughts of scenes from one flew over the cuckoo's nest or something. this fear is based on the stigma that still surrounds mental illness. but these numbers include mood and anxiety disorders, and other things that are very common, like adhd. these aren't numbers to scare us away from the mentally ill, but ones that will hopefully move us away from the stigma and into conversation and healing.

whether the diagnosis is depression or schizophrenia, there is still a great amount of suffering for the patient, their family and others in their support system. and i know there are those who don't really believe in the reality of mental illness, they think that they are all caused by a person's sin, or that people should just be able to "pull themselves up by their bootstraps" and be okay or something. but those beliefs just aren't true.

maybe i'll take some time in future posts to talk about the reality of mental illness, or how to spot when someone may be struggling, or ways to help or something. but for now, i just wanted to begin the conversation with simply some numbers that may help people think twice before ignoring the reality of the amount of people suffering.

(*statistics taken from NIMH)

Darkness is My Only Companion

i recently read, Darkness is My Only Companion by Kathryn Greene-McCreight. i think it's actually the first book i've seen that addresses mental illness not simply from a christian perspective but that does so in such a way so as to address the spiritual and theological implications of mental illness.

i've read a few secular books about mental illness in general, and many on particular illnesses; i've read memoirs from those who suffer from mental illnesses, and articles that look at the scientific, psychiatric, or psychological aspects; i've read christian books that look specific issues such as abuse or abandonment within from a christian framework, and ones that discuss psychology or counseling or theories from a christian perspective.

this was the first book i've seen that approached it from within a christian framework, taking personal experience into account, but focusing on the theological and spiritual implications of mental illness. the author dealt with questions of the soul and personality, and the effects of mental illness on each. she wrote about the consequences and ramifications of suicide from a biblical standpoint. and peppered in virtually every page were scriptural references and/or prayers, poems, and other such expressions of the faith throughout the centuries.

what this book offers is invaluable and a necessary introduction into a conversation that is well past due within the church. she has marvelous and beautiful things to say throughout the book that make it a helpful book for those who struggle with a mental illness and a valuable reference for those in pastoral vocations, with family or friends who are mentally ill, or who seek to care for the mentally ill in some other capacity.

unfortunately, the book was not edited as well as i would have liked. there were so many beautiful and needed things interspersed throughout the book, yet the way the individual paragraphs were ordered often made it feel chaotic in such a way that much valuable information could easily be lost to a reader because of the sense of disorganization within the book. though, i guess for those who have never personally experienced a mental illness, paying attention to the disordered nature of the book could help illustrate what it can be like in the mind of someone who is struggling with a mental illness.

even with that complaint, i would highly recommend this book as i feel that it offers some opening words to a conversation we must have within the church. and the fact that she is open about sharing her experiences while simultaneously addressing spiritual and theological implications seems to only give her greater credence and an ability to stand as a clear voice calling the church to reform its treatment and beliefs of the mentally ill.

the last few (5) books i've read

i'm sure that if i got really creative, i could come up with other stuff to write about, but since i want to include the books i'm reading on this blog, that means that all i'll have time for tonight is a quick summary of the last few books i've read. so here they are:

1. Small Group Leadership as Spiritual Direction by Heather Webb (former professor at Mars Hill Grad School). after having led small groups and bible studies in church and parachurch settings for several years, i'm wishing this book had been out well before i ever got started in ministry. this is one of those books that makes me wish i were ten years younger and reading it - though i probably couldn't have thought clearly enough then to know how much of it needs to be applied. i did get frustrated with her writing style though - at times crystal clear and precise, at times vague and wandering. i know that it's a book focused on spiritual direction, but i still thought it could have been more practical, even if simply by giving more case studies or examples. but this is definitely a book i'll be recommending to small group leaders i know.

2. Engaging the Soul of Youth Culture by Walt Mueller. Walt was a youth minister for years, and now seems to primarily work in research and now has a more family/youth centered focus in his ministry (Center for Youth and Parent Understanding). this book was rather intense, very well researched, and directly pertinent to our time (unlike most youth ministry books i've seen). it's geared not only towards youth ministers, but parents and teachers and anyone else working with this emerging generation. he clarifies how if we plan on reaching this next generation, we need to see ourselves as missionaries entering their culture. we can't simply expect them to understand our language, our norms, our culture, our expectations, but that we need to hear the way the speak, listen to their music, watch their stories (movies, etc.), and go to where they are. i haven't read a book with this many footnotes in a while. :)

3. Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell (pastor of National Youth Workers' Convention, since i was fascinated by his study and knowledge of first century Judaism. the writing style can get old though since it is essentially web writing on the printed page (you know, no indents, spaces between paragraphs, small blue arial-like font, and ellipses where completely unnecessary). but what he says is worth getting past the stylistic problems simply for the sake of allowing the dialogue of Truth to continue instead of allowing it to remain stale, crusty, moldy, irrelevant, and not as True as it could be.

4. Leading with a Limp by Dan Allender (president of Mars Hill Grad School). in my opinion, one of the best books on leadership i've seen in a long time. but, of course, i'm a bit biased towards Dan's writings, since he's one of the few people i tend to agree with so much of the time, and i've been so moved and changed by previous books of his. there was so much that affected me in this book, i don't really know what to say about it. i guess the only thing i can come up with at this late hour, a couple of weeks after reading it, is that the thing that struck me the most is something i least expected: his constant use of she or her in his writing. i think this is the first leadership book from a Christian perspective (maybe even Christian book in general) that was so obviously inclusive, it almost felt as if he used she/her more often than he/him. i'm far from being a feminist, yet i can say that i greatly appreciated that, it was cool.

5. Blue Genes by Paul Meier and some other guys. so this is a book about certain mental illnesses (such as ADD, Depression, Anxiety, etc.) and the genetic causes behind them. be forewarned: this book comes from a 'Christian' perspective. having read my share of books on these sorts of topics, i can't say i was overly impressed with this one. for one, i felt that they put too much emphasis on the genetic aspect (as i could have guessed by the title), ignoring environmental aspects (such as attachment issues, home life as a child, etc.) perhaps for the sake of making sure not to cause people to not 'honor their mother and father;' but in doing so, they leave out way too much research and don't look at the whole story (i'm not saying genes aren't a part of it, but i think they swing too far in that direction). second, i felt that the passages from the Bible that they used were not always in context (proof-texting) and they just kept using the same few to prove their point, over and over and over again. lastly, the book was very simplistic in style and information (i hope it's not an indication that we Christians are so ignorant that people need to write 'down' to our level). i guess it would be a good primer for someone regarding mental illness, if they come from a Christian perspective, and if they are unfamiliar with the topic or feel that all mental illness is due to sin.

so i guess i've averaged about a book every two days. not bad. except that probably means i could be much more productive with my time if i could just get myself to put these books down when i have other stuff to do.