home

what is it that gives a place a sense of "home" for us? is it the relationships to the people there? is it our history in that location? is it the smell of cookies baking, or the aroma of some other comfort food? does it relate to the memorable events or life transitions that took place there? is it a matter of memories or something a little more solid? is it rooted only in the past, or do the present and future play a role as well? is it a place we associate with a certain time - our childhood or adolescence - or is it something that transcends time?

as believers, we know that we are aliens and strangers, that this world is not our home. yet, we are graciously given glimpses of what home is like through the places that we experience as home while we wander on this earth. our journey through life is often marked with a variety of places that we call home for myriad reasons.

so as i long for my heavenly home, knowing that no home here is perfect or permanent, i'm also in the midst of grieving all the homes i've ever known.

we often lose the places we call "home." that can occur because of tragedies or disasters (hurricanes, earthquakes, fires, floods, etc.). we can lose them over the death of someone who made a place home for us. for some, it's as simple as having their childhood home sold as their parents move along to another place.

i've found myself, all at once, to be losing all the places i've known as home. though i know that there is a better place than this planet that is truly home, i am also in a place of grief as i realize that i'm losing so much at once.

i've recently moved from boston (my favorite city), which has always felt like home, to a seattle. i've learned that as my relationship with my family changes, the place where i grew up is less and less my home (which i guess is the way it's supposed to be, as in marriage we're supposed to leave our family and stick to our spouse). in the midst of this, i'm facing the immanent death of my grandmother, who right now feels like my most solid tie to my country of origin.

the loss of these three at once seems incomprehensibly huge to me right now.

yet, i know that my hope lies in a greater home than all these. i'm not good at remembering this part of the equation though. it's easy to feel discomfort in this life, but hard to remember what we're promised for our future.

and i know that home is more than these physical places. there are people, few and far between, that are also "home" for me, regardless of their physical location. a few friends scattered around the country who's presence (even when relegated to phone calls) brings me home. and of course, i have Jak, who - regardless of what roof is over our head at any given time - is my earthly home.

and i guess this is where i must find my rest right now. in the midst of my grief, i'll seek rest in those who make this world a little more "homey," and in the hope for a better home in the future.