Blue Like Jazz

i don't think i want to write this post.

i read an article a while back (that i was going to link to, but i can't seem to find it - doh!) where the author wrote of sitting in a coffee shop and seeing a group of "blue-like-jazz-boys," who were so easy to note as the type. then, at the end of their conversation, as they were getting up to leave, one of the guys reminded another to bring a copy of Blue Like Jazz for a friend of theirs, thereby proving their "blue-like-jazz-ness."

Donald Miller's book has become something of a phenomenon within certain christian circles, specifically young adults (primarily males), who are tired of the traditional christian sub-culture, yet are forming their own through books like Blue Like Jazz. i read the book before knowing anything about it. i picked it up at a barnes & noble one day thinking that Jak would enjoy it (he likes Jazz and it was about christian spirituality). he didn't get around to reading it then, and - as what happens to most books i buy him - i read it first (i think at some point he read about half of it before getting distracted).

so i read it, and nothing in particular about the book struck me then. so i didn't think much about it. then i became increasingly aware of the rising popularity of the book, which simply made me wonder, because i couldn't remember anything about it.

one day, in a thrift store, i picked up another book by Miller, Through Painted Deserts. i found his writing absolutely beautiful. i was so stunned by his descriptive writing and his great (but sparse) humor. i left that book desiring to read more by him. owning his previous book that i scarcely remembered seemed like a good place to start.

the thing is that i don't reread books. at least i haven't since elementary school. so i was loathe to begin reading Blue Like Jazz a second time.

to keep me company during the last few sleepless nights, i wanted something easy to read, and couldn't imagine anything easier than something i've already read and have wanted to read again. so i just reread it this weekend.

now i've spent too many words talking about why i read the book and haven't said anything about it, so i'll do is give a brief overview of what this book did for me this time through, and i'll post later - for those of you with the patience and interest to keep reading - i'll write about specific parts of the book that struck me.

Miller seems to have grown up in a pretty typical evangelical church in texas. he traveled the country (which he chronicles in Through Painted Deserts), and had a variety of experiences with christians and non-christians (if we must use "us vs. them" language) and ended up living in portland, oregon. he's become more of a democrat than republican, more liberal than conservative, friendlier with non-believers than before, has picked up smoking a pipe, and other such things that would not be considered 'kosher' amongst his previous group of christian friends in texas.

the thing is, though there's obviously a tension and frustration for him at the way so many christians are, he doesn't allow that to color the way he speaks of them. he maintains love, even with those he disagrees with.

you see, this part nails me because i know that i'm not very good at that. it's easier for me to love - and speak lovingly about - those outside the church. it wasn't always that way. but i've made this shift, towards a more liberal view of things, of people, and it's become so much easier for me to cast judgement on the church. it's especially easy for me to cast judgement on the church i've come to know best, the conservative evangelical protestant church.

i get bothered by the legalism. i'm hurt by the judgmentalism. i despise the hatred towards catholicism. i don't like the us vs. them mentality. and i often feel like i have the right to wave my legalistic, hateful, judgmental mentality in the church's face because i used to be more like that. so i act as if i get to stand on a pedestal. i act as if i'm now more enlightened, more informed, and therefore better than those on that side of the line within the church. i act as a judge on those i say shouldn't judge so much.

so reading his book, and seeing how gently he can speak of his frustrations, how softly he can express his critiques, reminds me of my need to love and to change.

i guess i'll painfully and reluctantly state this as a call for you to help me repent of my bitterness towards those in the church with whom i disagree, those that i consider too conservative, too close-minded, too legalistic, too judgmental, that i treat with judgment and a lack of love and respect. so when i go on my negative rants about the church and those within it that view things differently than i, remind me that i don't want to be that sort of person. thanks.